Any Way the Wind Blows Read online

  We both just stared at the spot for a moment, before I finally couldn't help it. "What an asshole."

  Jo burst out laughing, one hand over her eyes. "Oh my God, quiet." She struggled to regain composure. "His sister is here somewhere."

  I grinned, unrepentant. "If she's been with him that long, I'm gonna bet she knows, Jo."

  She laughed again and shoved me over hard. I went back in a relaxed sprawl, grinning up at her.

  "Whatever, it made you laugh."

  "You're horrible," she said, but she tugged at my arm to get me closer.

  The barn lights flashed twice, the signal that the film was about to start, before going out completely. As an old black and white concessions video played, Jo ran a hand over my head, tucking a stray curl back under my head wrap. Then, instead of pulling away, she traced her fingers down one of my braided pigtails.

  "Want to undo them?" I asked. She nodded, and I just scooted forward a little to give her room. Slowly, her fingers unwrapped the scarf, careful like she wanted to avoid tugging any of the hairs. After setting it aside, she undid the ties then slowly unbraided the pigtails. Her fingers were warm and calloused against my neck, sending a shiver up my spine. I closed my eyes against the intimacy of it, my breath releasing slowly as her hand stroked over it. Behind me, I could hear Jo swallow thickly, an odd sort of tension settling between us. Not sexual. My identity aside, that might be easier, I thought. Simpler to understand than this.

  This was…I couldn't be sure. But it felt shared, at least. A mutual knowledge that there was something deeper here than casual friendship, a feeling that we fit together. She felt like comfort and safety and an intimacy I usually shied away from, but something in her warm strength and easy patience drew me in. In turn, I could feel her open up to me, some of her typical hesitance releasing. It felt good, validating, to have that trust returned.

  I wanted to be closer, and before I could overthink it, I dropped my head into her lap. As if it were the permission she'd been waiting for, she dug her hair into my curly mess and combed her fingers through. I gave a satisfied hum and shut my eyes. I was missing the movie, but I didn't care. I could hardly remember a time when I had been touched like this and been so sure that it wasn't an attempt to coerce me into a romantic or sexual situation. It was warm and simple, and I didn't want to leave it. This moment, with the warm night air, kids laughing in the background, and her hand in my hair, was perfect. I couldn't have it forever, so I just wanted to burn it into my brain, something to look back on later.

  I opened my eyes and, through the darkness, I spotted Mark in the distance. He wasn't watching the movie, instead staring straight at us, his lips pursed together in a thin line. The back of my neck prickled, and if I hadn't been so happy in the moment, I probably would have done something about it.

  But tonight, nothing could have taken me away from this. With a happy little sigh, I closed my eyes and let myself soak it in. I'd deal with the rest later.

  *~*~*

  Unfortunately, later came sooner than I would have liked.

  I was in the stalls, laying fresh hay for the goats when I felt, rather than heard, someone there. My skin prickled up into goosebumps, and I knew I was being watched. I gripped my rake tight as I turned, startled to see Mark already standing in the doorway. He was blocking me into the stall, watching me with a stony expression.

  "Hey Mark!" I put on a grin for him, as if my heart wasn't racing. The barn was dimly lit and, with him standing in the doorway, I was trapped. Still, I had the rake, so hopefully if it came to it...

  I tried to look relaxed, even as all my muscles were tense and ready. "What can I do for you?"

  "You can stay the fuck away from my sister, for starters."

  Alright, so it was about exactly what I thought, and he was just as pissed as I'd expected. Great. I furrowed my eyebrows, hoping my confusion would seem genuine. "I'm not sure what you mean."

  "Cut the crap." He glared and leaned in, his voice pitched low and menacing. Quiet enough, I noticed, that no one would be able to hear us if they were passing by. "My sister is straight, and I'm not going to have you get in her head and mix her up. You need to stay the hell away from her."

  "Look, Mark." I changed tactics, since playing dumb wasn't going to work, and instead tried to level. It really was, after all, not what he thought. "I'm not trying to do anything with Jo. We really are just friends."

  "The hell you are. I see the way you look at her, and hanging all over each other. If you haven't done anything, it's because Jojo has kept some of her sense. I'm not going to have you come in here and screw everything up."

  I held the rake tighter as he stepped in, crowding me into the corner as he pointed a finger in my face. "Now, you're leaving on Saturday. You're gonna stay away from Jo, you're gonna do your damn job, and then someone is gonna drive you into town first thing Saturday morning. I get word you're fooling around with her or trying to stick around town or some shit like that? I'll make sure you regret it."

  A part of my mind wanted to yell at him, ask him what, exactly, he thought he'd do. To hit him, maybe. Something to get him out of my face.

  That's not what happened. Instead, I nodded dumbly. My mind was screaming at him, but my mouth was too scared to get any of it out. Voices drifted back to us from the barn entrance, and Mark started to back off. "I'm watching you," he said finally before leaving. I waited until he was out, greeting the other workers, then slumped back against stall and let out a deep sigh.

  Once Mark was gone, I finished the stall as quick as I could, my hands shaking. I kept wondering what he would have done if we'd been completely alone or if I'd argued with him. Each time, I felt sick and angry, both at him and myself.

  When I was finished, the work didn't compare to my usual standards, but I didn't care. I made sure Mark wasn't in the house, then booked it up to the room I was staying in and packed up my gear. I couldn't stay now. This was too much. It was way too much.

  But I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye to Jo. And, damn it, I didn't want Mark to win. I didn't want to be scared off by some homophobic asshoIe, especially for something I wasn't even doing. But if there was no way to spend time with Jo without Mark around, then what was the point of staying, anyway?

  I glanced down at my dress, nestled in the clothes I was packing. Brown jersey with teal stitching, earthy and loose, nicer than the rest of my clothes from lack of use. An idea hit me and I grinned, tugging my phone out of my pocket.

  Hey, Jo. How would you feel about playing hooky tomorrow?

  *~*~*

  The next morning I was up at the crack of dawn, rushing through my chores as fast as I could without making the animals worse off. Mark would be setting up for the CSA pick up until ten, and I wanted to be in and out before he was done.

  After that, I took my time getting ready, pulling my curls into neater pigtail braids than usual, even bothering to shave and put on a necklace. I was feeling pretty great as I walked down to the driveway, and I grinned big at the sight of Jo leaning back, looking all cool against her black Ford pickup.

  "You wore the shirt I made you!" I said. She had it layered over a black cotton tank with dark jeans, and her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. I tugged on the front, smoothing imaginary wrinkles as she watched me with that tiny fond smile.

  "I think I'm under dressed, though," she said, eyeing my dress. "You look real nice, Callie. I didn't know you had a dress stuffed into that backpack of yours."

  "It's a waste of space, usually. This is the second time I've worn it." I rolled my eyes, then shrugged. "But it's super comfy, it has pockets, and, look, it twirls!" I stood back and spun around on my toe once to demonstrate. The fabric of the skirt fanned out around me, and I grinned at her when I stopped.

  Jo nodded, her eyes shining as she watched. She repeated, "It's real nice."

  "Yeah, whatever, sweet-talker," I teased, elbowing her before going around and climbing into the truck.

  She just r
olled her eyes as she climbed in after me, revving the engine to life. "Here." She arched her back to dig her iPod out of her back pocket before passing it to me. "Find something you like. Or we can play your music, if you like. Up to you."

  I started in on the iPod, gleefully scrolling through the artists. "Like I'm going to give up the chance to spy on your music list." She looked a little embarrassed, which was promising. "What kind of nostalgic music from your youth do you have on here? I bet it's the Backstreet Boys. You seem like a Backstreet Boys girl, at least over N*Sync. All the black."

  She snorted and gave me an openly skeptical look through the rearview mirror. "Try Nirvana."

  I snorted. "Oh my god, you're the worst. At least the flannel was appropriate. Okay then, Miss Cool Guy, let's see what else we've got." It was largely alternative rock, which suited her, as well as—"Holy shit, Savage Garden?"

  She blushed up to her ears, carefully avoiding taking her eyes off the road.

  I cackled, and gave a victorious fist pump when I clicked on it. "Two albums! Oh my god, you have multiple albums, this is amazing."

  "I liked them when I was a teenager," she protested weakly.

  "Yeah, whatever. You still have multiple albums, nothing can save you." I pat her shoulder comfortingly. "No, it's cool, I'm only judging you a little."

  She snatched the iPod from me, trying and failing not to smile. "Yeah, well, you just lost music privileges." She scrolled around, and the opening strains to the Foo Fighters's Everlong started playing. "This alright? It's my driving playlist."

  "Hell yeah, man. I like almost anything, so long as it's loud." I grinned big at her, and it was such low hanging fruit, but I couldn't resist. "Except Savage Garden."

  She flipped me off good-naturedly before turning the volume up all the way up.

  It was over an hour's drive into the city, and Jo was more relaxed than I'd ever seen her. She was laughing out loud as I emoted to the music, closing my eyes and clenching my fist as a serenaded her. She was giddy, her normally small smiles turned into big bright ones that made me want to chase them, pull more of them out of her, as many as I could.

  Eventually I settled in against her side, my feet tucked into the open window. Her arm went around my shoulder, the back of her fingers stroking my neck. I smiled and closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation and the goosebumps that spread down my arms.

  "Hey, you feeling alright? Someone said at dinner that you were sick."

  "Uh, yeah," I said slowly, considering. I didn't want to upset her, but I didn't want to hide what had happened, either. Finally, I sighed and looked up at her. "Um. Mark threatened me, yesterday."

  "What?" She sounded horrified, and I didn't blame her. I would have been too. "What happened? Not that I don't believe you, just… what?"

  "Uh, yesterday, he cornered me in the goat barn. He thinks I'm trying to turn you gay—which is kind of ironic, actually—but yeah. Told me if I didn't stay away from you, I'd regret it."

  "Jesus fuck," she swore, low and angry under her breath. "Is that why you wanted to go out today?"

  "Yeah. I was going to just leave early, but I didn't want to lose a day with you."

  Her jaw was grit tight, and I felt guilty. Not just for ruining the mood, but for the sudden realization that I'd put her in a situation that might make things more difficult with Mark. It wasn't as easy for her.

  "I'm sorry if he gives you shit for it," I added. "We can go back, if you want."

  "No, shit, don't you dare apologize to me, Callie. This is not your fault, and I'm going to talk to him. This whole mess has gotten out of control." She smoothed her hand over my head. Tension bled out of me, and she leaned in to kiss the top of my head. "I'm glad we're doing this. I would've hated to lose a day with you."

  "Yeah, me too." I closed my eyes, and we just sat there, listening to her music and the sound of the wind. I hung my arm out the window, letting my hand ride the air currents. Next to me, Jo was tapping out the beat on the steering wheel. It was a long time before I added, "The thing is, you make me feel safe, Jo." She was why I stayed, but she was why I could stay, too. I knew she wouldn't let anything happen.

  The arm resting lazily over her shoulders tightened, pulling me in against her under her arm. "Thank you." There was a small, considering pause before she added, her voice soft, "You make me feel safe too, Callie."

  *~*~*

  The mood stayed serious for the rest of the trip, but we managed to burn it off in town. We window shopped, laughing at weird little things and pointing out what we'd buy if we had more room. We stopped for ice cream, me licking the drips off my arm while Jo dabbed at hers with a napkin, and she bought me another fabric headband, a beautiful woven navy with gold thread interspersed. It didn't match my dress, but I still put it on right away, just so she'd see me wear it.

  When we passed this little Mexican hole in the wall, Jo tugged me over to it by my hand. "C'mon, this place has the best tacos. You ready to eat dinner?"

  "Yeah, definitely." My stomach growled in agreement. I hadn't eaten much more than street snacks all day, and I was definitely craving someone more substantial.

  Soon we had a table full of tacos, chips, salsa and guacamole, and wasted no time tearing into it. Once we'd both gotten a little food into ourselves, Jo asked, "So, you're leaving tomorrow?"

  Something in my gut clinched, but I nodded as I gave her a sad little smile. "Yeah, I'm thinking I'm gonna go out to the bus depot first thing. My bus isn't until noon, but. You know." I wanted out of here.

  The muscle in her jaw twitched, and she frowned deeper. "I'll give you a ride up if you want."

  My smile grew just a little less forced. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

  Silence lingered over us both. She just stared at her plate, and something twisted in my gut, just feeling sad and sorry that this is the way it had to be. I wanted to ask her to come with me, though I knew it was ridiculous. She had a business here, a customer base, a whole life. Obligations. She couldn't just hop into the truck and ride into the sunset with me, and I wouldn't want her to, not really. Otherwise, she wouldn't be her.

  Didn't stop me from hating that I had to leave her behind, though.

  She reached across the table to touch her fingers to my knuckles, asking for permission. I readily accepted, opening my hand so she could twine our fingers together. Her hand was warm and rough with callouses, the same as mine, except hers were permanently stained with engine grease. The easy intimacy of it was warm and comforting, but bittersweet, in the wake of my impending departure. It felt like there was a timer on every touch, counting down to the moment when I'd never have it again.

  "I'm going to miss you," I said suddenly, and I swallowed hard against the dizzying rush of affection and sadness that came over me. I didn't do this. I didn't get upset about leaving, I didn't miss people, especially ones I hadn't even left yet and that just made it worse, somehow. This was something special, something once in a lifetime that I was putting back on the shelf. What the hell was I doing?

  But I couldn't stay either. I had responsibilities too, farmers that were counting on my help in their busiest season. And more than that, I wouldn't stay, not somewhere like this. Somewhere I'd been ordered to leave, or else.

  Jo lifted my hand and pressed a small kiss to my knuckles. Her lips were chapped, but still felt soft against my skin. "I'm gonna miss you too. But, hey, it'll be alright." I didn't know why she was the one reassuring me. She was the one who was trapped while everything went wrong, and I was the one who was leaving her behind. Still, I appreciated it.

  "Maybe I can come back and visit one day." That was unlikely, though, and we both knew it. I wouldn't have a place to stay, since Mark's was the only FarmShare farm around, and there was no way I'd feel comfortable spending the night near his property. "Or maybe you could come visit me."

  "Maybe." She frowned. "It's hard to leave the shop, though. I'm the only employee."

  The very real prospect of never seeing each again o
ther loomed like a shadow over the table. I kept killing the mood, even when all I wanted was to enjoy this last day and the little bit of time we had. Finally, I reached across the table, making the grabby hands gesture. "Phone, give it here."

  She passed it and watched with a growing smile as I programmed in all my information: Skype, email, even the IM screenname that I hardly ever used. If it meant talking to her, I'd sure as hell would start. When I was done, she took my phone and did the same.

  "There." I pocketed it with a satisfied smile, feeling much better about our situation. It wasn't much, and far from what I wanted, but it was something. I'd take everything I could get.

  We finished up our food and wandered out into the warm evening air, casually debating going to a movie or seeing if the art museum was still open. I leaned against Jo's side, and when she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, I reached up to hold her hand. "You smell like cumin," she said with a laugh as she kissed the top of my head.

  Before I could make some stupid comment, a voice from behind us shouted Jo's name, loud and angry. Jo went stiff, and we turned to see Aaron. He was dressed for work in a button down and slacks, his face flushed red and furious.

  "I should have known." He was staring at our linked hands, which I started to drop, but Jo refused to let go. "I should have known you were a fucking lesbian. Jesus, no wonder I could never manage to get laid."

  "What the fuck?" I said, because it was just so entitled and messed up and bizarre that I couldn't stop myself.

  His gaze went to me, like he was noticing me personally for the first time, instead of just the woman that Jo was attached to. "And, Christ, Josie, her? Some foul-mouthed hippy who doesn't even work? I have a good job, I own a fucking house."

  I stared, trying to figure out whether to be offended or laugh. I did work, I worked hard, I just didn't work like most people did. I had to admit, he had me on with the foul-mouthed hippy remark, though, and I nearly laughed despite how angry I was.

  He ran his hand through his hair, sticking it up in all directions. "You could have said something Josie, I'm not some homophobic redneck. My cousin is gay. I thought you were better than stringing me along like some kind of beard."